


Echoing Thoughts

by Siren_Of_Old



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, F/M, M/M, Multi, Unrequited Crush, im so sorry, this was my outlet, this weekend was not a good weekend for me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 05:15:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8433178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siren_Of_Old/pseuds/Siren_Of_Old
Summary: Ross was in love with Barry.But, did Barry love him back?





	

**Author's Note:**

> “All aboard the feels train”
> 
> I had a really rough weekend and I decided to crush my own heart further by hurting my favorite bab. I apologize for this oml

_It didn’t start off right away._

_But, then again, things like those never do. Falling in love with your best friend took ages. It crept up onto you until you kind of just wanted to leave your brain and heart behind as you moved on._

_That was how Ross felt._

_When Ross first met Barry, his first thought was that he could make a good friend. He was really nice, and fun to hang out with. Slowly, as Game Grumps flourished, the two became as close. Steam Train was a chance to get to know Dan and Barry more, but after JonTron left, it was mostly just a chance to chill out with Barry and play video games._

_Ross wasn’t sure when that had changed._

_Somewhere along the line, he’d started noticing more and more about Barry; how he slouched on the couch during Steam Train; the little line that showed up in the middle of his forehead when he got frustrated; just exactly how green his eyes were._

_Ross wasn’t sure at all._

_The two had always been cuddly, just like Arin and Dan were. No one in the Grump office seemed to have a sense of personal space if he was honest. There was always someone cuddling on the couch or leaning against one another on late nights. But, it was like Ross and Barry somehow took that farther._

_It started out small, when Ross stopped to think about it. Little hugs in the middle of recordings, sharing a blanket when the Grump space got too cold, dozing against each other when they’d lost sleep. But, he’d reassured himself, that was what friends did. They get comfortable and take up more of your space. You get closer, physically and emotionally. Every time he’d doubt himself, he’d remind himself that Arin literally plopped himself into Dan’s lap anytime he could. There wasn’t anything wrong with sharing a blanket with Barry._

_Until it was._

_It was during their recording of Undertale. Barry had been playing and he’d finally defeated Undyne and he’d laughed and looked over at Ross with this giant smile._

_Ross swore that he felt his heart leap up into his throat to choke him._

_After that, he’d become more aware of things. He’d always find himself next to Barry, a little too close to be considered normal, his heart pounding. Every smile that the bearded man sent him had his chest aching and his stomach churning. Every touch was like a shock of electricity to his system. Ross knew what was happening. He’d experienced all of this before._

_Holly._

_She’d helped him. He’d gone to her, worrying, crying. How could he have fallen in love with his best friend when he was **married**? What kind of horrible person was he? But, Holly had held him, not pushed him away once he explained, telling him that she knew. _

_“What do you mean, you knew?” He’d yelled, scrubbing at his eyes with his fists. “I didn’t even know!”_

_Even with his frustration, she’d pulled him back into her arms and stroked his hair. “You can’t hide love, baby.”_

_After a very, very long talk, they’d decided that Ross would talk to Barry. If Barry was interested, that was okay with Holly. If he wasn’t-_

 

Ross shakes his head as he climbs up the stairs to Dan and Barry’s apartment. He really does not want to think of the negative right now. Reaching their apartment door, Ross knocks twice, biting his lip nervously. He’s nervous, has every right to be. He’s about to confess his new love for his best friend.

Sucking in a quick breath, he sighs it back out, trying to look normal as Dan opens the door.

“Hey, Ross.” He grins, leaning against the door frame. “Sup?”

“Ah,” the Australian fumbles for a second before clearing his throat. “I’ve gotta talk to Barry. He around?”

Dan kicks the door open wider, gesturing for Ross to follow him. “I think he is.” He raps on Barry’s bedroom door gently. “Bear, you in there?”

“Yeah,” came the muffled reply. Ross’s stomach clenches at the thought of seeing him and he idly wonders just how much shit Holly will give him if he bolts right now. The door opens a few moments later, and there he is, sleep rumpled and yawning. Ross wants to cry. “Sup?”

Dan nudges Ross in the ribs with his elbow. “Ross has to talk to you. I’ll head over to Arin’s and chill there so you guys can be alone.”

Ross glances at Dan in surprise and the older man smiles and winks, grabbing his keys as he leaves. Shit, does everyone except him and Barry know??

Shit, does _Barry_ know?

The thought leaves Ross’s stomach freezing cold, and he has to force the smile he gives to Barry. The bearded man rubs a hand through his mussed hair, yawning again.

“What’d you need to talk to me about, Ross?” He asks, making his way to the kitchen. Ross trails behind, his mind losing all the careful words that he and Holly had planned out. He’s terrified and he can feel his hands shaking so he stuffs them into his hoodie pockets, leaning a hip against the kitchen doorway.

“Well,” he tries to start before blanking again. Barry turns to glance at him before he starts to dig around in the fridge. He clears his throat and tries again. “Barry, I- I-”

Barry turns again and carefully closes the fridge door behind him, concern evident on his face. “What’s wrong, Ross?”

His eyes itch with the urge to cry but instead he twists his fists tighter together in their pockets and lifts his chin and- “Barry, I love you.”

It’s silent for a moment before the bearded man laughs softly, the concern leaking out of his face to house an expression of happiness. “I know bro, I love you too.”

Ross feels like his chest is deflating. “No, Barry. I _love_ you.”

Barry freezes, his face falling into one of confusion. “What do you mean?”

This is it. This is how Ross is going to die. “Barry, I want to date you.”

The silence this time is longer, and Ross can see the gears turning in Barry’s mind. He shuffles forward a bit, starting to ramble.

“Holly is totally okay with it, I made sure I told her first. I just- I don’t know man. I just kind of fell in love with y-”

“Fell in love?”

The words are whispered, but the disbelief in his tone stabs at Ross’s mind and heart. He falters as Barry’s gaze locks on him, and it’s then that Ross knows.

Barry would never date him.

Barry does not love him like he loves Barry.

“Ross,” Barry reaches out to touch, probably hold him or at least rest a hand on his shoulder. Ross flinches back before he can think of it. Hurt flashes in Barry’s eyes- oh god, his green eyes- and Ross wants to sit down and cry. “Ross, I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” Ross’s voice cracks. He can feel the tears burning behind his eyes again. “It’s fine. I’m- I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“No. God, don’t say that.” Barry murmurs, gripping the kitchen countertop with his hand. “You can’t control who you fall in love with.”

Holly’s words echo in your head with Barry’s and he realizes that most of the Grumps will realize something went wrong tomorrow. _Dan_ will ask Barry what happened later and he feels so horrible. He shouldn’t have even thought of telling him, should’ve kept it to himself.

“Please don’t cry.”

The tears are falling now, Ross realizes. He sniffles loudly, rubbing a hoodie sleeve over his eyes before he stares at Barry. How can he still look so beautiful, even as he’s breaking Ross’s heart right where they stand? Ross shakes his head at him when he makes to step forward again.

“I’ll be okay,” he whispers, averting his eyes from him. “I- I probably won’t be at work tomorrow, but I’ll be fine. I think I might just take a bit of time off with Holly.”

“I’m so sorry.” Barry murmurs back, his own eyes glassy. “I wish- God, Ross, I wish I loved you back.”

Ross can’t stop the sob that bursts out of his mouth and Barry grips the table tighter. Ross covers his mouth with a hand, turning away from him to try to compose himself. A gentle hand slides over his spine and he cries harder, turning in Barry’s arms to hug him to himself. After a few moments though, he pulls away and rubs at his eyes.

“I’m gonna head home.” He whispers, backing out of Barry’s arms. “Don’t worry about me for now, okay? I’ve got Holly to help.”

Barry doesn’t try to stop him and Ross doesn’t stop to look back until he’s in his car, gasping for air with how hard he’s sobbing. He pulls out his phone and dials Holly as he starts his car.

“Ross?” Her voice is like heaven and all he wants to do is make it home and crawl into her loving arms. “How’d it go?”

“He-” Ross lets out a tiny watery laugh as he holds the phone between his ear and shoulder, pulling out of the driveway. “He didn’t feel the same way, Hols.”

She sucks in a tiny breath over the phone and he feels more tears fall from his eyes. He felt so pathetic, crying into the phone to his wife. She whispers soft things to him as he drives, trying to keep his eyes clear so he can still see. Finally, he pulls into the driveway to their home.

She’s standing on the porch, a wicker basket in her hand and her black sun hat on her pink head. He gets out and she pulls him into a hug, kissing him soundly on the lips.

“Get in the passenger seat,” she murmurs, handing him the basket. “I’ll drive.”

He does as he’s told, getting back into the car on the passenger side, setting the basket in his lap. She gets in after he’s buckled in, starting the car up once more. He leaned his head against the window, reaching over the center console to twine his hand with her pro-offered one, grateful for the physical touch.

“Where are we going?” He asks quietly, his voice rough. She glances at him, before her attention is back on the road.

“To forget.”

“That’ll be hard.”

She squeezes his hand as she takes an exit off to the highway. “But not impossible.”

They’re both quiet for a while before he speaks again. “I’m a horrible person.”

She pulls the car off onto the shoulder of the highway, ignoring the honks of indignation and anger. She turns to him, her face pulled down into a frown. “No.”

“But-”

“Ross O’Donovan, you’re not a horrible person. Yes, you’re too much some days and sometimes you’re a complete asshole, but you’re not a horrible person. You’re my husband and I love you so much.” She says in a firm tone, her eyes boring into his as he leans against the passenger door. He blinks back his tears and leans across to kiss her softly. She presses a gentle hand to his cheek as she pulls away. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispers back. She nods, carefully pulling the car back into a lane, glancing at him every so often.

By the time they get off the high way, it’s dark and Ross is half tempted to dig through the basket Holly had handed him. But, she’d yelled at him earlier when he’d tried to open it, so he isn’t going to try again in front of her. They make their way through what looks like a smaller town until they’re in the country, fields following his line of view. He glances at her, only to see her smiling at him sweetly. She parks the car on the side of a dirt road, grabbing the keys as she gets out.

“Come on,” she laughs, pulling his door open. He grabs the basket and has barely shut the door behind him before she’s locking the car and dragging him across a ditch to the long grass of the field. She opens the basket in his arms, pulling out a large blanket. He realizes that it’s their blanket from their bed as she flaps it down to sit upon the grass, green grass blending into the nice calm green of the blanket. She takes the basket and plops herself down on the blanket, gesturing for him to do the same.

“What are we doing, Holly?” Ross asks as she starts taking stuff out of the basket. There are two lunchables, a large bottle of water, a bag of Reese’s cups, and some pop. Then she pulls out a bottle of vodka and her bong. She passes him the liquor bottle as she pulls out a bag of marijuana. He takes it and uncorks it as she answers his question.

“Forgetting.”

He takes a long pull of the vodka, wincing at the sting of straight alcohol. She does her little thing with the bong, her hands moving as he leans down to put his head in her lap. She smiles down at him before lighting the weed and taking a large inhale of it, holding it in before leaning her head back to exhale the curling smoke towards the night sky.

“Do you want some?” She asks him after a tiny cough. He shakes his head, situating himself so he can still be in her lap and drink from the glass bottle.

“Maybe in a bit,” he murmurs, tasting the burn of smoke on the tip of his tongue. She nods, her floppy hat bouncing like a shadow in the night sky as she takes another drag, breathing out so slowly Ross wonders how the hell she does it.

The silence between the two of them is comfortable, a memoir to how close they are, being able to just sit there. After a while, she puts the bong down on the blanket beside them and runs her hand through his hair, the touch soothing on his hurting mind and heart. He grabs her wrist and presses a sloppy kiss to the center of her palm, making her giggle.

“I love you,” he murmurs, head aching. She shushes him, leaning down to kiss his temple. He sets the bottle aside to sit up, pulling her into his arms. She leans her head against his chest, wrapping her arms tight around his waist. “I love you, Holly.”

“I love you, too.” She whispers, rubbing her thumb against his side. “I’m so sorry today went so wrong.”

Tears prick the backs of his eyes again, and he blinks them back. “It’s gonna take a while to go back to normal, but once I get there I think I’ll be okay.”

She tugs him down onto his back to lay against his shoulder, their faces upturned towards the sky and the night stars that twinkle there. Her free hand finds his and he grips it like a life-line between their two bodies.

“We’ll be okay,” she whispers as they lay there.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t actually condone using drugs or alcohol as a way to cope with emotional damage. I highly suggest other outlets for that, but to be honest, this is what I would’ve done if I didn’t have such nice friends. 
> 
> Comment and Kudos as you please, and I hope your days are amazing and full of joy.


End file.
